I am always on high alert this time of year for the appearance of anger and bigotry. All the days around April 19th make me a bit nervous. Maybe this is because I’ve lived a life which has seen the David Koresh debacle, the tragic Oklahoma City bombing, and the horrific scenes of Columbine. I have coincidentally had two partners in my life with birthdays on April 19th (and a close friend whose birthday is on September 11th). So these dates stand out to me and many others. Every year I feel as if I am holding my breath this week, worrying that fear and hatred will explode in the ugliest of ways. This year, as April 19th was winding down, I started to breathe a sense of relief, only to find out that the African- American student body president of the local college was stabbed in what appears to be a hate crime. He is now recovering in the hospital days after helping to lead a diversity summit on campus that discussed hate crimes. Apparently, he was accosted by young men who called him racial slurs and would not let him walk by, even when he attempted to walk away. What is it about this time of year that brings out the craziness in people? Why not make April 19th Non-Violence Day or a Day of Compassion instead?
Since it was my wife’s (I am still getting used to this term for my same-sex partner) birthday, we went to see the movie “How to Train Your Dragon in 3-D”
. If you haven’t seen it, you are missing something special. Without giving the whole thing away, let me say it is refreshing to see a character who is prized for being different, for resisting violence, for having compassion and empathy, and for seeing the benefit of cooperation over competition. (OK so I was a little irritated that the female character existed as little more than someone to kiss him when he acted heroically but still…). I think the overall message is a great one, delivered in an entertaining way, without beating you over the head with it. I think it should be shown and used as a springboard to talk about non-violence and win-win conflict management. Isn’t this something that we should be teaching from a young age?
Is it just me, or is the rhetoric of the lunatic fringe of the Tea Party (not all tea partiers) and the recent arrests of U.S. zealots training as underground militia making everyone nervous? Knowing that our African-American student body president was stabbed at Chico State saddens and angers me and also makes me worry that someone, somewhere will try to harm our President. Whether or not you like his politics, Obama is a man of grace, courage, and honor. Personally, I admire him a great deal. I worry. Why don’t we worry less about teaching abstinence-only birth control and more about appreciating diversity? Time recently devoted an article called How Not to Raise a Bully at http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1982190,00.html?xid=rss-topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+time%2Ftopstories+%28TIME%3A+Top+Stories%29&utm_content=Google+Feedfetcher.
When I was a child, I grew up reading Highlights magazine which always seemed to be available in every doctor’s office. There was a cartoon in there that taught manners. It compared two brothers, Goofus and Gallant. I may have only been seven or eight years old, but it at least had me thinking about how to treat people. Why don’t we have classes in elementary schools on the appreciation of diversity, the benefits of compassion, projects that encourage cooperation, and conflict resolution? The Time magazine articles points to early Athens as a place where they tried to instill similar values in their children (although, if my memory serves me, the ancient Greeks had slavery which doesn’t seem very compassionate to me.)
What does this have to do with gender? Everything. As a lesbian and a fierce advocate for the transgender community, I worry about the safety of myself, my family, my friends, and anyone out there who may be a target. For that matter, we have to see that all of us could be. Sometimes the task of changing the dialogue in this country seems so huge, it seems virtually impossible. But we have to try. We have to.
Thank you for writing this. I think that I’m prone to being quite a Pollyanna about life until something like this happens then I think “How could anyone ever do such a thing?” It saddens me so much that people are brought up or somehow embrace bigotry but really it’s all around us; I think I chose not to see it. What a wake -up call. You’re right, it could happen to any of us.
Thanks for posting this, Lana. Violence and oppression is always linked, whether the targeted person is targeted for their race, gender, sexual identity/ perceived sexual identity, religion or some other reason. We must realize that we are all at risk of violence regardless of the identities we hold and until we as a culture make a radical shift in how we treat each other, treat our children, treat our neighbors and treat the hundreds of strangers we come in contact with everyday. We must think differently, act differently, speak differently and respond differently.
Much love to you my friend.
Lana, you are amazing. I hope you consider taking your article public. You words are filled with emotions that can reach the hearts of so many people. People who struggle with anger and hatred in their own hearts. Its there, in all of us, a little or a lot. Sometimes we don’t see it in the way we speak or opinions we have. Your article opens that dark area up ever so carefully and with such tender care.
That is the first step towards building that bridge of hope and change. I know where I need it and I am sure I am not alone.
I am sorry to hear about the violence on your campus. Please be strong (as you always have been) and know that you and everyone at Chico are being thought of during this sad time.
Thank you for sharing .
Lisa